Remember that our skill and desire to connect with a man is high value in todays’ world. If you are so angry and hurt that you find you can’t be present with his feelings – you won’t be the first woman. In many relationships, the woman’s feelings naturally take precedent because we can be so over-powering with our emotions.And more importantly for you – your desire to actually connect – which brings inherent risks because you’re surrendering to deeper involvement and surrendering to something uncertain – it’s going to get you actual commitment. ’ or ‘I don’t trust you.’, stick to your willingness to give him space for his anger whilst you somehow try to stay present and listen (it’s very hard, but the pride and confidence we feel for doing it afterwards is worth ). But how can you ever have your man want to try to understand you unless you try to breathe and relax in to giving him space to be listened to first some of the time?
That may be one aspect of it, but that’s a very superficial gift of freedom we can give if we want to.
The really valuable gifts of freedom run a lot deeper than that.
It is just getting back to that real nature of yourself that can be scary and risky. To no fault of their own, and to no fault of women, men get angry at women because they perceive what is happening in the relationship to be a threat to their need for (the feeling of) freedom.
And freedom is not going out with his mates without you hassling him.
Our intention to stay connected to a man in an argument is worth gold.
Our intention to hold on to resentment and the need to be right in an argument is worth nothing.
So the only real thing to do is BE freedom, and live as untouchable freedom. Again, the heart of men’s anger is that they feel trapped somehow.
So we need to look for what might be trapping him, if we care about him.
But women are the reason men ever are even attracted to the idea of being in a deep, passionate relationship.
It is a woman’s inherent high value from a man’s perspective. Feminine women seek perfect love – lots of attention, praise, reassurance, and communication, and praise and reassurance and communication. If it does, you’re on the way to understanding things from a man’s perspective.
Usually, if a man chooses to stay with you, it could be because your energy is right for him, or because the value from being with you outweighs the costs to his freedom. But none of this means he is always going to find us a wonderful thing to have around.