Self-esteem is the sum of your self-confidence and self-respect.
A people pleaser lacks the proper amount of self-respect to be self-assertive.
How you judge yourself, which manifests as your self-esteem, will determine how far you’re willing to go to please others at the expense of your own happiness.
The more you say ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘f#ck no,’ the more you set aside your own needs to accommodate others, the more you turn your back on yourself in favor for serving everyone else, the more you erode your reputation with yourself (your self-esteem).
So intense is our need to not be the source of irritation, disappointment, anger, contempt, or dislike that we go to great measures to please everyone around us; usually at our own detriment. Aside from the fact that they’re both mysteriously capitalized? I simply needed two different words to make the headline compelling.
We disregard our feelings in favor of the feelings of others so we can please everyone around us. Too many of us walk around with our heads down trying to remain small and inconspicuous; especially when we’re in front of the nameless, faceless ‘everyone.’ It’s time for you to stand up for what’s right for you, and stop standing for what’s right for everyone else. When your behavior matches your internal convictions and beliefs, you have achieved personal integrity. When you put your own needs aside for the sake of others, you’re sending yourself a litany of harmful messages: You act as if you don’t have a right to exist for yourself and live for your own expectations and desires.
Putting your past on repeat by trying to right the wrongs of the past and heal old wounds by going out with variations of your parents just makes a child out of you.
It becomes about fear of abandonment, fear of rejection and fear of feeling the old pain.It will have you suppressing and repressing with this misguided idea that because you hold back, they will too or at the very least, they will reward you with the relationship you want.It’s all very well designating the other party with the job of directing the relationship but that’s to suggest that you don’t have a say in things and also that you don’t have to show up or step up.This applies, not only to desires, but to opinions, needs, and even basic individual rights.Inexplicably, the less intimate we know someone, the more ‘pleasing’ we become while neglecting the needs of loved ones and good friends.These are all examples of passive and people pleasing behaviour that make you ripe for not only being involved in unavailable relationships where the other party is the emotionally unavailable driver to your passenger self, doing everything on their terms, blowing hot and cold, managing down your expectations etc., but it can also place you with controlling partners who will happily leverage your eagerness to please, your unwillingness to step up for you and your reliance on being directed. To opt to hold you back with all of your morphing, twisting, bending and blending, is to blind you to that person unfolding.